


in love with my sister's boyfriend

by bbubbleddae



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-21 10:29:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10683447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbubbleddae/pseuds/bbubbleddae
Summary: Kyungsoo is Jongin’s older sister’s boyfriend. They're close, at least close enough for Jongin to develop the largest crush he's ever had on someone. Truthfully, Jongin doesn’t believe Kyungsoo would ever feel the same way, but… it seems Kyungsoo cares a little too much. And one kiss can fuck everything up.





	1. just another one of those reasons

**Author's Note:**

> this is a rewrite of the original story which both versions are available on my asianfanfics account.

Cold air swirls around Jongin's body, and makes him shiver. He can hear the quiet sobbing from his sister, the gentle shushing from her boyfriend, and the silent movements of the wind. His vision is devoid of color and liveliness, only seeing the snow blanketing the ground, and the grey tombstone with his parents' and brother's names engraved.

He cannot bring himself to shed a tear. He does not understand why he can't, it's his brother, Kim Jongwoo. He struggles to think, to feel, to succumb to the hurt. 

Jongwoo died young. He had a tumor in his heart—a rare type, but the doctors couldn't do anything about it. The tumor was so deadly, surgery and any therapy would have killed him anyway. So, Jongin had to watch him slowly fade away. He and his sister, Youngmi, had to watch him faint, struggle to breathe, cough up blood. For two years, it was like that. Jongwoo was twenty when he was diagnosed. 

Their older brother took care of them after their parents died from a car accident. It was his choice, his demand. 

Jongin wonders why such a good person like Jongwoo would have to die like this. It's unfair. So fucking unfair.

The people that attended the funeral leave the grave. Eventually it's just Jongin, a hiccuping Youngmi, and her boyfriend, Kyungsoo. Jongin eyes them, sees that Kyungsoo kisses her head, rubs her arm, whispers, Everything will be fine, I promise. Jealousy stabs Jongin right through the chest. He swallows. His head turns back to the stone, and he studies the engravings on it. It's the only thing distracting him from his sister and Kyungsoo. 

"We should get going." Kyungsoo says through the silence of winter. 

Jongin glances back at them. Kyungsoo's arm is still around Youngmi, and she's still pulled toward him. He only nods without a word, and goes ahead first to Kyungsoo's black car. Crunching footsteps move behind him. 

The three of them slide into the car without a sound. Kyungsoo starts the engine and drives away from the cemetery. 

It is a car ride full of nothing but loud silence. 

Youngmi goes to bed as soon as they arrive back at the Kims' home. Kyungsoo kisses her forehead before she does, and tells her not to cry too much. The girl only smiles sadly, pecks Kyungsoo's cheek, and slowly walks up the stairs to her bedroom. 

Kyungsoo does not leave after that. 

"I'll make something for you and Youngmi, if you want." Kyungsoo says as he shrugs his jacket off, hanging it up. 

Jongin just stares at Kyungsoo a moment. Then: "I don't really care. You can, if you want to." 

The smaller male looks at Jongin concernedly. "I know it must be hard for the both of you. It's hard for me too." 

"You haven't even been around that long, why are you saying things like that?" What the hell am I saying?

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows. He seems offended. "Is it wrong to say that? So what, I didn't know Jongwoo-hyung for that long. He was like a brother to me." 

Jongin scoffs and walks away. He sits in the couch, opening his phone. There are texts of sorry for your loss, and quite an abundant of missed calls from Chanyeol and Sehun. He decides he doesn't want to go through them, and sets it on the coffee table. His body falls onto the couch, and he stares blankly at the wall. 

He notices how Kyungsoo has said nothing else. Probably hasn't really moved, either, since there is no sounds from the kitchen. 

Kyungsoo appears in Jongin's line of vision. He kneels down to Jongin's level, squeezing his shoulder. 

"Everything's going to be okay," he says with a saddened simper. "I'm going to help you and Youngmi as much as I can." 

The words run right through Jongin like a knife. "You don't have to help me. Just help noona." 

"No. You need me, too." 

Jongin scowls. "I don't." 

The hand that squeezed the younger's shoulder finds its way to Jongin's hair. "Yes, you do. I can't leave you alone."

"Why is that?"

Kyungsoo doesn't answer for a few moments. Jongin watches his throat bob as Kyungsoo swallows. "Because I care about you." 

But not how I wish you cared about me.

The next couple days aren't easy, for Jongin and Youngmi. Jongin loses sleep, and his focus in everything, even dancing. Youngmi is definitely trying too hard to seem like she's fine, but it becomes obvious when Jongin hears her cry herself to sleep every night. Kyungsoo has been there for the both of them, in each living moment, in those couple days. 

Today, Kyungsoo drives Jongin to school while Youngmi is staying home, trying to get some form of rest. He allows Jongin to sit in the front seat, in hopes that they could talk a little bit. But Jongin doesn't utter much. 

It bothers Kyungsoo so immensely to the point that he pulls over, about a mile or so away from Jongin's school. 

"What are you doing?" Jongin grunts, picking his head up from the window. 

Kyungsoo puts the car in park. "I want you to talk." 

"What the hell, I don't want to, hyung." 

"Nothing will get better if you don't." 

At this, Jongin blinks, words cutting right through him. He shuts his mouth. 

"Look," Kyungsoo continues. "In just a few days, you've almost lost yourself. I know it." Jongin tightens his lips, staring at the time. There is ten minutes before first period. "I know Jongwoo-hyung was your family, and I know it's hard to get over it. I'm not saying to get over it." 

Jongin breathes steadily. "Then...what are you saying?" 

Kyungsoo turns his head towards Jongin, and offers a very small smile. "I'm saying you shouldn't have to lose yourself to this. In fact, it'll make you stronger." He squeezes Jongin's knee. Jongin's heart skips a beat. "You'll be stronger," Kyungsoo repeats. "Don't be afraid to talk to me. Or anyone. Okay?" 

His words are brief, yet it hits Jongin hard. Hard in his head, and hard in his heart. 

Just another one of the many many reasons why I'm in love with you.


	2. better than you know you

December falls upon them. Winter hit early this year, getting very cold in the first two weeks of November and finally snowing at the end of the second week. The first snow was the day before Jongwoo's funeral. Snow continues to pile up, and the sky generally remains white to grey. Though Jongin should probably still be upset about everything, he has been managing to pull himself together. 

It is strange for him. He wasn't like this after his parents died in the accident. He closed himself off completely, never spoke a word until Chanyeol and Sehun somehow pried words out. Of course it could be that Jongin has matured now, but Jongwoo was just as important to him as his parents were. It's hard for Jongin to attempt fathoming. But in all honesty, it's better like this now. He and Youngmi try to make each other smile everyday with jokes and singing(horribly on Youngmi's part), and just being their weird selves they would have always been. 

It's even better when Kyungsoo is part of it. He is a music major—mostly singing—but even then, he sounds awful(purposely)when he sings with Jongin and Youngmi. It is nice of him though, and he makes Jongin feel better with each day. 

But even with all of this, it doesn't mean Jongin never cries anymore. Or gets angry at something because his emotions take over him. Or feel like hurting himself. He has never had the courage to do that. Though he has felt it so many times and it is truly such an ugly, dark feeling. When he has those times, it almost seems Kyungsoo can read his heart. See it painted upon his face, and written in his eyes. It always causes Jongin's heart to beat faster, and for him to stare and love Kyungsoo more than he already does. 

He really shouldn't love Kyungsoo like this, though. 

Fuck. 

This morning, Jongin wakes up on the living room floor, between a quietly snoring Youngmi and a peacefully sleeping Kyungsoo. It takes him a moment to recall last nights events. They were just messing around the whole night, watching some movie Youngmi picked out. He remembers Kyungsoo and Youngmi both getting slightly tipsy—or maybe just really really drunk. There was some dorky, fun dancing involved, and his sister and crush fell to this floor laughing. Jongin was laughing too, and after, Kyungsoo pulled him down in between them, facing Youngmi.

Youngmi said, "Why isn't my baby bro at least just a little tipsy, this isn't fair!" she exclaimed it with a whiny voice and her words were slurred. She had hit her forehead against Jongin's chest, and lightly punched his shoulder. 

What happened next made his heart beat so fast and his body feel like jelly. Kyungsoo's arms closed around his waist, and his entire body pressed up against Jongin's. Jongin couldn't think or breathe for a bit. He could only think of the arms around him, the head on his back, the strong, yet gentle hold. 

Remembering it now makes his heart leap out of his chest. 

Jongin looks on Kyungsoo, whose hands are still grasping Jongin's arm. The younger tries to wriggle out of Kyungsoo's hold, and almost succeeds. 

Almost. 

Right before Jongin can get up on his two feet, Kyungsoo is pulling him right back again. He basically throws himself on Jongin, head on his chest and leg swung over Jongin's. 

"Don't leave yet, Nini," he whines. 

Jongin's cheeks flare red against his tanned skin. "H-h-hyu-hyung." 

Kyungsoo lets out a fairly contented, sleepy sigh. "You're so warm..." Jongin tries not to gulp. "You smell nice too." 

He's half asleep, he's half asleep, he's half asleep, Jongin tries to tell himself. 

And probably really hungover. He means none of it.

Kyungsoo's breathing slows. He says nothing more, so Jongin assumes that he's fallen back asleep. The room falls in a pleasant silence—besides Youngmi's snores but Jongin's learned to ignore them. 

An overwhelming burst of joy hits Jongin in the next few moments. Kyungsoo doesn't move in those moments, only the parting of his lips to breathe and his shoulders heaving up and falling slack. But just staring at him, being cuddled by him, it makes Jongin so so happy. He finds himself smiling, and running his hands in Kyungsoo's hair, the strands soft between his fingers. 

He wants to question why they're like this, right now. Why isn't he pushing Kyungsoo away? Why can't he leave? Why did Kyungsoo do all these things? Those questions run through Jongin's head, but he cannot seem to stop himself from staring at Kyungsoo and keeping his fingers threaded through the smaller's hair. His smile is fond and hard to keep away. A sigh full with contentment emits from Jongin's lips. Without looking at his sister, he falls back into a quiet, consoling sleep.

 

Jongin awakes again, but this time alone with a blanket covering his body. He rubs his eyes and stretches. Then, his eyes dart about his house for any signs of his sister or his sister's boyfriend. Youngmi is the only one in sight, though, typing away on her phone with her hair pulled back. Her pained expression tells Jongin she probably threw up this morning and still has a throbbing headache. He makes the assumption Kyungsoo left because of that, and rises from the carpet floor. 

A pair of tired eyes falls on him, and Youngmi offers a tight-lipped smile. "Morning, sleepyhead." 

The time reads 11:26. Jongin scratches the back of his head, walking over to the kitchen where Youngmi stands. "Morning." he says. "Where's Kyungsoo-hyung?" 

"Finishing up a shower upstairs," she looks up at Jongin briefly then sets her phone down, taking the hair band out from her hair. It falls down to her back and below her breasts. "I gave him a set of your clothes, just so his can finish in the wash." 

A faint blush rises in Jongin's cheeks, once more. "O-okay, that's fine." 

"Don't worry, Jonginnie, I just gave him old clothes you can't wear anymore." she grins widely this time, poking at Jongin's cheek. Either she is ignoring the red in them or she doesn't see it. Jongin hopes it would be the latter. 

He releases a breath he didn't realize he was holding, and goes to look for food. 

 

"You what?!" 

Kyungsoo grunts, elbowing Baekhyun in the gut. The elder holds his stomach with a gag. "Shut up, Byun, I was half asleep, okay?" 

Baekhyun is giving him the brow, and the quirked lips that scream, you know you're lying to yourself. Truth be told, Baekhyun knows Kyungsoo better than Kyungsoo himself. Things like this aren't taken lightly by him, and he always knows when something's up. Sometimes it takes a few yelling fits and smacks upside the head for Kyungsoo to say everything or admit whatever he might need to(I promise you, they've been best friends for years). 

This, however, might be harder for Kyungsoo to admit. 

"You don't just randomly cuddle up to your girlfriend's brother. That's weird, that counts you too!" Baekhyun's exclaims, hands falling to his sweatshirt pocket. 

Kyungsoo simply shrugs his shoulders. "First, I was half asleep and coming out of my drunken state. And second, I was cold and he was warm, I don't see the problem?"

"You have a girlfriend. You cuddled with her brother. That's a big no-no, if you ask me." Suddenly a small smirk curls to the corner of Bakehyun's mouth. "Unless you don't want it to be a big no-no." 

Once again, Kyungsoo elbows him in the stomach. "Shut up." he warns. 

Baekhyun's holds his abdomen again, face contorted in pain. "When do you fucking stop hitting me like that?" 

"When you stop spewing out bullshit." 

Baekhyun makes a tsk sound and crosses his arms. "It's not bullshit when I know you better than you."


	3. i'm thinking too much

"Why do I need a tutor?" groans Jongin to his Global History teacher.

She has her arms crossed and an eyebrow up at him. "You're falling behind and your grades are low, in this class. I'm not sure about your other classes, but in this particular one, I want someone to tutor you."

Jongin groans and moans more, banging his head on the desk he sits at. He hates tutors, honestly. Jongin had one in his first year of high school for Geometry, and he despised who tutored him. Some girl—her name escapes him—that expected him to get every question right, barely teaching him, and thought she was all that. He ended up asking his best friend, Sehun, for extra help instead since he was much much better at it than he was, and a better teacher than her. Since that day, he has hated tutors, and anyone that's friends with him that has one complains about them.

Now he needs another tutor. Just great.

"Don't worry, though, Jongin," Miss Hwang says, a hint of a smile in her voice. Jongin lifts his head, but leaves his chin on the desk. "I picked out a great student from last year. He's a music major, but he is very patient and he aced the final exam with a 97/100. And," she hands a paper out to him, stating the tutor's name, and the time and place they're meeting. "I think you might just know him."

Jongin reads the words on the paper, and suddenly his eyes widen. His heart beats erratically.

Do Kyungsoo. Tomorrow at 2:30, Town Library.

"He's your sister's boyfriend, if I remember correctly," Miss Hwang says. "Surely you like him a little bit."

Jongin slowly nods. "Yeah, he-he's fine," he hopes she isn't seeing the blush rising in his cheeks. "I-I'll go, thank you, Miss Hwang."

 

Jongin is walking with Sehun to the café Chanyeol works at, as they do almost everyday after school. The taller of the two is on about some teacher that gave him a low grade, even though it is one of his best classes—but if you did your homework, it wouldn't be so low, you idiot. Jongin just nods or hums at Sehun every few moments, just so Sehun doesn't nag at Jongin about listening to him or whatever.

They take their seats where they always do, at the front counter stools. As soon as Jongin is seated, he groans loud between the table and his arms, that he doesn't even hear Chanyeol come up between them and say hey.

"The fuck's your deal?" Chanyeol says, definitely with a smile that mocks him.

Before Jongin can open his mouth, Sehun intercepts with: "He's literally been miserable since we left."

He feels a pat on his shoulder, definitely Chanyeol's hand. "Don't worry, Jonginnie, I'm making your special hot chocolate now. You'll feel better after."

The younger groans again and lifts his head, seeing Chanyeol walk behind the counter. "Hyung."

Chanyeol hums in response, shuffling to grab the things to make the hot chocolate.

"Don't you have something stronger?"

"Like what?" chuckles Chanyeol. "Coffee?"

Jongin grimaces. "No, ew." he completely sits up now. "Like beer or soju or some shit." Sehun and Chanyeol both burst into fits of laughter. Jongin whines. "I'm serious, I want to drink my pain away."

The loud noise of the blender overbears his best friends' laughter, and Jongin bangs his head onto the counter. Eventually they stop and he hears something be put in front of him.

"Jongin, really, it can't be that horrible, whatever it is." Sehun wipes his eye.

Jongin sits up again. He eyes the large cup in front of him, knowing it is the hot cocoa Chanyeol had just made. The oldest of the three boys is making Sehun a smoothie now, still cackling just a bit.

"How horrible is Kyungsoo-hyung being my tutor sound?" Jongin murmurs, but it is just loud enough for the other two to hear. He takes a sip from his hot drink.

They actually grow quiet. Yes, they know about Jongin's crush—correction, huge ass crush—on his older sister's boyfriend. Full on, they support him. They have mentioned they want to try getting them in a room together, alone, just to get Jongin out there and see what happens. It has always ended up with Jongin blushing a deep red, and incanting "no" many, many times. Then Chanyeol and Sehun would coo, "Aw, our Jonginnie's so cute."

Chanyeol clicks his tongue before starting the blender up with Sehun's smoothie. He yells over the noise, "I think it's a great chance for you!"

At that, Jongin feels his face grow very warm, a combination of slight embarrassment and the hot cocoa that spills down his throat.

"It's an excuse to spend more time with him," Sehun says next, loudly. "Maybe you can actually get somewhere!"

The noise stops. Jongin opens his mouth, but a jingle comes from the front, interrupting him, and there are three voices talking. One of them complains, asking why the other can't hang out tomorrow.

"Because I have to tutor, Jongdae, I've told you."

Jongin recognizes the voice immediately. His heart beats fast and hard against his ribcage.

"Oh, hey, Jongin," Kyungsoo greets with a squeeze of Jongin's shoulder.

A shock goes through Jongin's body at the touch. He turns his head, and sees a grinning Kyungsoo, with two other males about the same height as Kyungsoo.

"H-hi."

The other two males leave to sit at a small table, and talk amongst themselves. Kyungsoo shrugs it off. "You heard from Miss Hwang right?"

Jongin blinks. "About what?" You idiot, the tutoring!

"I get to tutor you," Kyungsoo smiles again. Jongin averts his gaze, blinded by that amazing grin. "You better not be late," says Kyungsoo playfully.

Jongin glares at Sehun and Chanyeol who had begun snickering at Jongin's reactions. He mouths, shut the fuck up, then nods at Kyungsoo as naturally as he can. "I'll try, hyung. No promises, though," Jongin manages to grin without faltering.

"Soo, come on over, please," one of the other guys calls, prolonging the please.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," he waves to Jongin, and nods in greeting at Chanyeol and Sehun before moving to the table at the far side of the room. He seems to give the other two a glare and a quiet scolding, then talk as he was when they arrived.

"I still want to lock you two in a room together."

Jongin drops his face in his arms with the tips of his ears red.

 

"Damn, why didn't you tell me Youngmi's brother was hot?" Jongdae whispers when Kyungsoo sits down and finishes his short scolding. He had said, You couldn't wait a second longer, I was talking to someone, assholes.

Kyungsoo shrugs. "Didn't come to mind?"

"Shit, his friends are hot too, what the hell, Soo?" Baekhyun's lips purse.

"Manwhores, I swear to God..." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, huffing. "Whatever, Youngmi's brother's name is Jongin, and his friends are Sehun and Chanyeol. Feel free to go up and flirt." he takes out some of his notes and writes a couple things down for a song in the making.

"Wait," Baekhyun says. "Didn't that Chanyeol guy graduate with us? I think he's in one of my classes..."

Kyungsoo watches Baekhyun turn his head back, quite possibly staring at Chanyeol. The tallest of the three friends laughs as he gets slapped by Jongin. Kyungsoo notes how cute Jongin is, his face and ears red, lips pouted, and eyebrows furrowed. Then he stops himself. Should Kyungsoo be thinking that? Is it wrong to think he's cute like that?

It's not in a romantic sense at all... but does that make it unfair for Youngmi?

"I'm thinking way too much."


	4. forget about it

Ever since tutoring started, Jongin has tried really hard not to become so distracted by Kyungsoo. He has realized, since then, it is not an easy task to perform. 

It's the little things that truly get him. Small touches, a closer proximity as he helps Jongin with certain things, the way his voice remains soft and never raises at Jongin, if he gets something wrong or needs a phrase repeated a few more times to nail it in his head. It's in the way he smiles everyday, praisingly or out of teasing. Somehow, once more, it's Kyungsoo that causes Jongin to turn to jelly, make his heart practically explode, and blush and smile all goofy. Jongin honestly should be used to it, but he doesn't think he will ever be.

He isn't used to someone smiling at him like that, squeezing his hand for comfort, ruffling his hair, or speaking in such a gentle voice — and it feels like it is just for Jongin, sometimes. Jongin notices how Kyungsoo is around his friends(which he learned two of many names, Baekhyun and Jongdae), and how... different Kyungsoo is with him. Is he like a brother? Is it just because he's Youngmi's younger sibling and he doesn't have a choice, but to be nice? A soft spot? Maybe, on a very, very slim chance, Kyungsoo likes —

No. That is definitely not possible. Kyungsoo clearly has stronger feelings for Youngmi, so why the hell would he have feelings for her little brother? It doesn't make any sense. 

Although, a small part of Jongin would like to believe that, that is, in fact, the very truth. Jongin knows, though. Kyungsoo would never see Jongin that way. He should just get over this goddamned stupid, unrealistic crush already. Like Jongin will get anywhere with Kyungsoo.

He exits the school, waving to Chanyeol and Sehun on his way out. A cold breeze whisps around his body, and causes him to shiver and groan. Just a short walk to the library, he tells himself. 

Albeit, when Jongin passes the parking lot, his name is called out by a very familiar, smooth voice. With the breeze still moving opposite Jongin's direction, Jongin turns toward the person, and to say the most, is not surprised to see Kyungsoo and his car. Kyungsoo wears his thick, black-rimmed glasses today, and a grin etches on his lips. A dark maroon knit cap covers his head with the tips of his hair peeking through and just covering his eyebrows. His hands are stuffed in his winter coat pockets, and he stalks closer to Jongin. 

"We're going to my place today to study."

Jongin blinks thrice at the blunt statement. "What? Why?" 

Kyungsoo instantly grabs Jongin's wrist, then pulls him toward the car. "Library's heater broke apparently, so it's closed. And I have dogs to feed, may as well just stay." 

Heat lifts in Jongin's face — of the fact he is going to Kyungsoo's place and he knows Youngmi has not even been there yet, and that Kyungsoo has dogs. Oh god that makes him about one hundred times more attractive and likable (Jongin really loves dogs and wishes he had one of his own). 

Slowly, a little smile creeps its way to Jongin's lips at the thought of meeting Kyungsoo's dogs. He nods and mutters, "Okay."

 

 

Kyungsoo's apartment is simple, clean, and neat, like the male is generally. It's small, but it's not cramped or difficult to maneuver around in. There's a small walkway with four doors, Jongin guesses two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a closet of some sort. To the left of the entrance, the dining and living area is combined, and the kitchen is separated by a wall with a rectangle sit into it so both other areas are seen. The walls are mostly dark grey, and Jongin assumes Kyungsoo can't repaint them. It's nice otherwise.

The dogs Kyungsoo has are absolutely adorable and shit, they're still puppies. One is white, named Jjangah, and the other two are brown, Monggu and Jjanggu. They bark and hop up on Kyungsoo as soon as Kyungsoo approaches his apartment door with Jongin trailing behind. Kyungsoo tells Jongin his mother rescued abandoned and lost dogs, and these little, fluffy, poodle-like puppies were just born a few months ago. Kyungsoo had grew fond of them fast, and has kept them ever since. 

Jjangah seems to take a liking to Jongin first, and others warm up soon after. She lies in Jongin's lap as Kyungsoo and him do their tutoring session and follows him to the lavatory and back again. Jongin might have heard Kyungsoo chuckle once or twice, and it makes Jongin smile just a bit.

About fifteen minutes after finishing their tutor session, Jongin is playing with all three puppies, all barking over the one squeaky toy Jongin has. Kyungsoo is in the kitchen — actually, Jongin isn't exactly sure what he's doing right now, he just hears some shuffling around and a few clanks of dishes. Curiosity comes to him, and he stands from the carpeted floor, the dogs following and Jjangah whining a bit. 

He sees Kyungsoo cutting up a vegetable of sorts, and it's then he notices that a pot sits atop the stove and the scent causes Jongin's stomach to grumble loudly. At least, loud enough for Kyungsoo to halt, turn, and smile.

"Uh..." Jongin blushes. 

"Don't worry," Kyungsoo turns back to finish chopping. "I figured it's late enough and we'd both be hungry, so," he throws the chopped up greens in the pot and a couple mild spices. "You can take some home for Youngmi, too. Maybe it'll ease her stress out a bit." 

Of course. 

Jongin hums with a blank face. "I would have helped you if you asked, hyung." 

Light blares in Kyungsoo's glasses, as he covers the soup, and swivels around. He leans against the counter with a teasing grin. "The last time I let you help me, you almost burnt the food and hurt yourself with a knife." 

"W-Whatever," Jongin sputters, more heat rising in his face. "Still." 

"Plus," Kyungsoo continues, and he kneels down to pet Monggu's head. "Someone's got to keep them occupied." 

Jongin studies Kyungsoo's features for a bit. Kyungsoo always caught Jongin's attention since Youngmi first introduced him as a close friend. Not only are his features nice, however it is his presence that really strikes Jongin's undivided attention. He may seem small and meek but there is something wonderfully powerful and maybe just a little dominating about him. He's handsome as hell without his glasses, and when he is focused — and basically all the time, with those pretty eyes, and heart-shaped mouth, and dark hair, and God help Jongin, his smile. Other times, Kyungsoo can be quite cute, but not as much as he can be powerful and sexy. 

You think wrong, if you believe Jongin likes Kyungsoo just for his face. He is very kind, and considerate of those he cares about first, before himself. Albeit he does not show it all that often unless it concerns Jongin and Youngmi. It wrenches at Jongin's heart sometimes, how selfless Kyungsoo really is. Especially to both his sister and himself.

Why does he care so much about Jongin though? The thought boggles with Jongin's mind time and again, and all Jongin can truly gather is that Kyungsoo doesn't have a choice because of Youngmi. Nothing more nothing more nothing more.

But Jongin overthinks it. Again and again and again. No one has ever been as affectionate to him as Kyungsoo has. And it's so strange. 

Kyungsoo stands straight, the brown puppy rubbing against his leg. "Are you holding up okay these days, though?" Kyungsoo asks, carefully. 

Jongin chooses to nod. "I guess." 

"That's good." He goes to start cleaning up while the soup cooks under the lid. 

Jongin pitches in too, feeling bad that he did not help in the first place. 

"Have you ever..." Jongin swallows as he places a couple things in the sink, and Kyungsoo wipes the countertops down. "Have you ever brought noona here?" 

For a few moments, the silence is heavy and almost unbearable. Besides the dogs playing in the other room. Regret floods Jongin instantly, and he opens his mouth to go and tell Kyungsoo to forget it. The next second, though, Kyungsoo is standing on Jongin's left, shoulders brushing together. His eyes travel up to Jongin, and stay. Jongin flushes and gulps. Even with Jongin's taller figure, Kyungsoo somehow makes him feel so much smaller with that unwavering gaze. 

"What makes you ask that?" Kyungsoo queries, lips tugged down.

Jongin's heart beats erratically, and his head and/or face is hot of embarrassment. Fuck. "Uh, j-just curiosity, I guess..." 

A hum sounds from Kyungsoo. "Honestly," he starts, "she has never been here. I always come to your house if we go to any of our places." 

"Why is that?" Jongin's eyebrows furrow.

"I don't bring people home often. Maybe Baekhyun or Jongdae on the off chance they decide it's a good idea to call me because they're stupid drunk," Kyungsoo smiles a little. "I think it's best to say you're very important to me if I bring you here."

Jongin's chest flutters and his stomach does flips. Yet, now he's really confused. "Why me?"

Kyungsoo gazes up at Jongin once more. Before anything, Kyungsoo removes his glasses and places them on the counter. Their hands touch and Kyungsoo lets them touch. He lets fingers touch and shoulders brush. Jongin shudders and he knows this shouldn't be happening right now, but his mind and body don't align at this moment. The older male comes closer, even closer than he is. Foreheads touch, and Jongin could melt on the spot. 

Kyungsoo smells nice, a mix of spice and vanilla. It intoxicates Jongin and then, the fact that Kyungsoo is Jongin's sister's boyfriend does not matter anymore. He just wants. He wants Kyungsoo to touch him, kiss him, something, but he still waits for the moment. Jongin breathes deeply and slowly, Kyungsoo's breath intermixing with Jongin's. 

Kyungsoo whispers lowly, "I need to kiss you."

Shock is the feeling that comes to Jongin next. From the hard way their mouths collide, to how Kyungsoo didn't even hesitate. Jongin doesn't mean to moan, but Kyungsoo's lips are so nice and soft and they taste better than Jongin thought. Kyungsoo shifts their position so that Jongin's back is to the counter  and Kyungsoo surrounds him. His hands remain on Jongin's hips, and Jongin's hold onto Kyungsoo's upper arms. Kyungsoo definitely dominates the kiss with how fierce he began it, and how Jongin submits so easily. 

Soon enough, Kyungsoo is licking into Jongin's mouth, tracing the roof and his teeth with his tongue. Jongin loves the foreign feeling, his only kisses have been innocent and soft but not this. It's so hot and easy to give into, and Jongin can't stop. 

Eventually they part, and Jongin doesn't even have a second to look at Kyungsoo. His lips land on Jongin's neck, and Jongin keens at the feeling. Kyungsoo is gentle, but passionate, and it makes his knees weak. His lip catches between his teeth as Kyungsoo mouths Jongin's jawline, chin, and column of his neck. 

Reality hits him harder than it's ever did before. And Jongin panics.

"Stop," Jongin whispers. Kyungsoo doesn't. "Stop, hyung, w-we can't — oh fuck, ah..." Kyungsoo had ground his hips against Jongin's, and sucked gently at the side of his neck. As amazing and sexy as it feels... "No, no, hyung," he attempts to push Kyungsoo off, "s-stop please..." 

Kyungsoo stops then. He lifts his head, and Jongin's breath almost hitches. Even on a high from making out, he's just damn sexy with swollen lips and blown eyes. However, Jongin breaks out of his trance. This isn't right.

"I'm sorry, I — I shouldn't have done that, I wasn't thinking."

A lump rises in Jongin's throat. There's so much he wants to say but he can't. They're lodged in his throat and will not come out. 

He's right. He shouldn't have done that. 

Kyungsoo bites his lips and looks down. "Forget about it, okay? I — I wasn't supposed to do that until—" Jongin watches him swallow visibly. "Until I was sure." 

"Sure about what?" 

A saddened smile lines Kyungsoo's lips. "Just forget it, Jongin."

Jongin just grabs his stuff and leaves without saying goodbye.


	5. as long as it takes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my last update for the next month or so because of exams coming up lol but i hope it's good enough and the next one will be worth the wait !

Three hours after Jongin left. 

Kyungsoo's heart is lodged in his throat, and his head is pounding like crazy. Baekhyun should be on his way right now as Kyungsoo had called him about fifteen minutes ago. Though, it is just _too long._

__A completely flabbergasted mess is a perfect way to describe Kyungsoo, at this point. He did the one thing he wanted to wait for, and he regrets it so badly. It’s so _obvious _Jongin didn’t want to be kissed by Kyungsoo. He had pushed the older male away and ran out without another word. There was a certain pain in Kyungsoo’s chest as he left, and a lump risen in his throat. The dogs have snuggled up against him, sensing his distraughtness.___ _

____He called Baekhyun with a shaky voice, approximately two hours and forty-five minutes later, after wallowing in his own pain. He sits on his bed now, back against the headboard and legs tucked into him. Jjanggu whimpers at his side, while Monggu and Jjangah rest at his feet. Now just gazing upon the three small puppies, he is reminded how much Jongin loved them and they loved him. The sight was quite adorable and Kyungsoo couldn't stop himself from grinning._ _ _ _

____“Soo!” Baekhyun calls, definitely inside Kyungsoo’s apartment. Why he chooses not to respond, Kyungsoo does not know. It only takes a few moments for Baekhyun to open his bedroom door and stare upon a made small Kyungsoo. A sigh of relief releases from Baekhyun’s mouth. “Sorry I took so long, Dae wouldn't let me leave even when I told him how absolutely _distraught _you sounded.” Baekhyun walks next to the bed. Kyungsoo feels the bed dip on his left, then one of Baekhyun’s arms wrap around his shoulders. “Wanna tell me what happened?”___ _ _ _

______Kyungsoo lifts his head finally, then looks at Baekhyun, whose eyes have always been bright and kind, and his smile genuine. These qualities Baekhyun have have always made Kyungsoo feel at least _a little _better, whenever he needed it. And again, it seems to do just that all over, and Kyungsoo finds himself more relaxed. It doesn't fully stop the pain and confusion, but it's enough to ease it.___ _ _ _ _ _

________It takes a while for Kyungsoo to begin talking. When he does, he realizes he hasn't really spoken about his confused feelings for Jongin when he is dating Youngmi._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Confused feelings… is _confused _even the right word? Or is it easier just to say he’s been stubborn about them? Because, in all honesty, he has been, thinking about it and actually _talking _about it now. Jongin somehow, all the time, attracted Kyungsoo’s attention in one way or another. Truthfully, he's never understood why or how Jongin does it, but he does. Something strikes Kyungsoo about Jongin, whether it be his smile or his honest to god _adorable _personality or how nice his voice is to listen to—_______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Holy shit. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Kyungsoo comes to a realization, mid sentence. A realization that took him much longer than it should have, a whole _fucking year. _Why didn't he know it before? Why didn't he _accept it? _It’s not like he’s closed minded, he's bisexual for fuck’s sake. As much as he enjoys Youngmi’s company and loves her as a person and friend and doesn't want to hurt her, there's Jongin who shines so much brighter in Kyungsoo’s eyes._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Kyungsoo?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Two blinks. Kyungsoo glances back at Baekhyun, who has a knowing smile that jokingly pisses Kyungsoo off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Oh my god,” Kyungsoo breathes. “Holy fucking shit, Baek, how _stupid _can I be?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Baekhyun chuckles, resting his head on Kyungsoo’s. “Apparently, pretty stupid if you're just realizing this now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________He would have hit Baekhyun now, but his chest is light and his heart his beating fast against it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“I like Jongin,” Kyungsoo breathes again. “No, holy fuck, _I love him _and I was so dumb and stubborn to admit it.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________The thought of Jongin being more than a friend and his girlfriend’s younger brother, it makes Kyungsoo feel giddy. Yet, at the same time… Jongin’s reaction to everything wasn't good. Is there any guarantee Jongin might feel the same?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Kyungsoo starts to panic inwardly. “Baek, what if he doesn't feel the same? What am I supposed to do then?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Did he kiss you back?” Baekhyun asks instead of answering the questions Kyungsoo made._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Well, yeah…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“He wouldn't have done that if he didn't at least feel _something _for you. If he kissed you back, even when he pushed you away, there’s a little hope then, right?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Kyungsoo bites his lips. He nods slightly and hums._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Baekhyun grins widely. “Then I suggest you grab him before someone else does.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________“I guess…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________“Soo,” Baekhyun’s smile falls right off his lips. “Don’t be stubborn. You _need _to do this. You can't run away from it, okay?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________Kyungsoo swallows hard. “But Youngmi… I don't want to hurt her either.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________Huff. _“Kim Youngmi has to be the strongest woman I have ever met in my entire life. You _know _that. She wouldn't let it bring her down unless she really loves you.”____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________“How do I know she doesn't?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________Baekhyun shrugs, then groans. “Listen,” he shifts to fully face Kyungsoo, legs crossed Indian style. “I know how considerate and selfless you are, and I know Youngmi isn't going through exactly the best of times with Jongwoo and everything.” Baekhyun reaches over and squeezes Kyungsoo’s hand. “But just for _once, _in your entire life, you should think of yourself. Think about what _you _want and who _you _love. It’s not like Youngmi would hold any grudge against you or Jongin. She clearly cares about you both and you enough to be dating you.” Baekhyun’s mouth quirks in a gentle smile. “Love is one of those things you have to be selfish _and _selfless at the same time. It’s the most confusing and painful and sweetest thing to ever know, and we’re so lucky to be able to experience it.”_________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________About a week passes. Kyungsoo has texted Jongin to meet up at the library or at his place again. Jongin never shows up though._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________Jongin is trying his hardest to avoid Kyungsoo. _Anything _to get his mind off of the older — off that night, off that _silly _crush on his older sister’s boyfriend — will suffice at this point. Yet, Kyungsoo still comes over, and Jongin goes to his bedroom. He does not come out until Kyungsoo is completely gone, car and all._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________Strangely, Youngmi asks no questions. Knowing her, she would have already, and pried, and pried until Jongin fessed up. Instead, she has taken, _School is really busy, _as a real excuse. She hasn't asked why him and Kyungsoo haven't been tutoring, either. Now, he begins worrying about _Youngmi _because it definitely is not like her._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________Jongin skips out on his first dance rehearsal for the end of the year number he and Sehun are performing on New Year’s Eve. To put it simply, he’s mentally exhausted and just wants to go home. He tells Sehun he isn't feeling well, which Sehun pesters and whines because it's the first day and they _need _to cram this performance in. But Jongin isn't having it, not today.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________________He zips his coat and puts his knit cap on, grateful he actually remembered them this time. (He is very very forgetful, though frankly he could care less about the cold). Then he exits the school without speaking to anyone, even the girls that occasionally fawn over him. Cold air whips around him, and for now, he does mind the bitter cold. It’s too fucking frozen out here. His hands stuff inside his pockets and he exhales, continuing his way out the gate. His gaze keeps on the icy ground._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________________Someone stands in front of him abruptly. Black Converse, dark blue jeans. He thinks he hears his name, but his mind is a bit foggy, Jongin can't say for sure. Slowly, Jongin looks up and his heart stops for a split second. It’s Kyungsoo, with the most serious expression Jongin has ever seen grace his face. Jongin compresses his lips and casts his eyes back to the ground. _Why is he here? Just walk away walk away walk awa— _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________“Jongin,” Kyungsoo says softly. Jongin doesn't move, nor respond. A cold hand lifts Jongin’s chin to look Kyungsoo dead on. “Can we talk?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________A hard lump forms in Jongin’s throat. He can't swallow. “Why?” he utters._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________“Please?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________Jongin wants to say no. Albeit, he does not. He clenches his fists in his pockets._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________Kyungsoo sighs, grabs Jongin by the arm, and pulls him toward his black car. Jongin reluctantly slides in the passenger seat, and Kyungsoo comes in after. The car is still running, and it's warm. Kyungsoo doesn't begin to drive._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________“I’m sorry for surprising you,” Kyungsoo starts. “It wasn't intentional to startle you like that. However,” Jongin’s stomach drops. “I’m sure it was intentional to kiss you, either way.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________________What? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Kyungsoo lets out another sigh. “I’m _really _stubborn. I never realize things until they're too late, and… I’m just so stupid when it comes to my feelings and emotions and _Jesus Christ, I like you a lot.”____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________________________Jongin’s chest stammers. His lips part. “Y-you do?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________________________“Yeah,” they exchange eye contact. To them, in the moment, it isn't just eye contact. There’s something strong and warm and comforting that Jongin can't help but relish in. “I didn't know, and I wanted to figure it out and until I did, I was going to wait. And what do you know, I fucking kissed you without really any warning.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________________________Jongin wonders if this is some amazingly bizarre and lucid dream. He thinks about pinching himself right about now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________________________“I seriously, genuinely like you, maybe enough to call it _love, _but… I won't force that onto you.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________________________Enough to call it _love.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________Kyungsoo’s hand finds Jongin’s, and Jongin feels his entire body go limp at the touch. His hand is cold, but it’s comforting and electrifying at the same time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Say something,” Kyungsoo almost pleads._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________Jongin does — and with forming tears. “I — I like you t-too, hyung,” Jongin’s voice trembles. “No. Fuck, I like you so _much, _but I don't… I don't think it's right.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________Kyungsoo holds Jongin’s hand tighter. “Why not?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________“Because of noona. I don't want to hurt her, hyung. She doesn't deserve it.” Tears finally fall from Jongin’s face, and he avoids Kyungsoo’s gaze._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________There’s a silence. Jongin isn't sure what to call the silence, though it makes him uneasy that Kyungsoo says nothing. Their hands still stay together, Kyungsoo’s gradually warming with Jongin's. Jongin attempts to wipe his face, and sniffs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________“It could be our secret,” says Kyungsoo, quietly uncertain._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________The younger whips his head around, eyes teary and bulging. “What if she finds out? What then? I just said, I don't want to hurt her.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________“But it's what we both want, am I wrong in that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________Jongin worries his lip._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________“Listen,” Kyungsoo slips his fingers between Jongin’s. “Your sister is amazing. She's so kind and talented and has a big heart. But I like _you, _and it's so much stronger than Youngmi. You're adorable and sweet and so… unbelievably charming. Everything about you is amazing, Jongin, and I really _really _like you.” It's cute how Kyungsoo breathes a bit dreamily when he says the very last part. “I want to be with you.”_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________________Jongin cannot help but grin just slightly. To hear someone — especially _Kyungsoo _— praise him like that causes his heart to pitter-patter faster and faster and his stomach do turns. Girls don't affect him as much as Kyungsoo does. He gets them from the same group of girls, a couple of junior girls who wear too much makeup just to impress _one _guy. And little did they know, that one guy was hopelessly in love, and shy in front of the one he holds dear._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________________Maybe it would be okay, Jongin thinks. Just _maybe _Jongin could be selfish for once. And maybe if his sister were to find out, she’d be fine with it. _Maybe. _______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________________________However, it is that moral voice in his head that repeats like a mantra, _she'll get hurt, you're her brother, don't fuck up your relationship with her. _It is that voice preventing him from saying _let’s do it. _Jongin hates it, but he would rather not hurt Youngmi, even if that means causing more pain to himself._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________________________So, Jongin shakes his head. Faces Kyungsoo with his lips tight. “I want that too,” Jongin says. “But not yet.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________________________“Why not?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________________________________Jongin breathes. “I need to know, and you to know, _for sure, _that this is what we both want. And second, if that is the case for the both of us, noona can't be hurt. We need hints, or something, I don't know. I want her to understand it gradually, not break it to her harshly.” Jongin swallows hard. “She’s had too much of that in her life.” Jongin thinks of his parents and his brother, and feels the tears form heavily in his eyes.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________________________________________________Kyungsoo looks down at their joined hands. For a few moments, he doesn't speak. They drown in another silence — and this time, it's uncertain, and oh so heavy. Jongin has to wipe his eyes again, to avoid more tears. Of course he loves Kyungsoo, and of course he wants to be with him, _god so badly he wants it. _As much as it hurts and will hurt, patience is what they need. Jongin hopes Kyungsoo won't hate him for this, or anything to do with it. There’s nothing they can do.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________________________________After a while, Kyungsoo whispers, “Okay,” so so painfully. When Jongin believes Kyungsoo will detach their hands, Kyungsoo holds tighter, maneuvers Jongin’s up until his hand reaches Kyungsoo’s mouth, and presses his lips to the back of it. Warmth rises in Jongin’s face, and he gapes at Kyungsoo. His chest clenches, yet flutters at the same time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________________________________“All I want is for you to be happy, Jongin. And I want the same for your sister. I will wait as long as it takes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________________________________Kyungsoo allows their hands to drop back, and their eyes never leave each other. No more words are exchanged. Jongin doesn't know who begins leaning in first, but the next thing he knows, their foreheads are touching, noses are brushing, and lips just a few inches apart. Whomever it is that leans forward, both don't know. Maybe it was Kyungsoo, maybe it was Jongin, all they know is that their lips are aligned and so gently. Kyungsoo’s lips are just as soft as they were the other night, if not even softer and sweeter. They're intoxicating and Kyungsoo’s touch to his cheek is endearing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________________________________The kiss doesn't go much farther than innocent touches of lips, though._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________________________________After a bit, they separate slowly, almost like they didn't want it to end. Kyungsoo smiles, then kissing Jongin’s forehead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________________________________“Let’s take you home.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
